Warning Labels You Hope You Never See.

WARNING!: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE!: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

ADVISORY!: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as 'tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

NOTE!: The most fundamental particles in the product are held together by a 'gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

ATTENTION!: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.999999999% empty space.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS!: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

WARNING!: This is a 100% matter product. In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact anti-matter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result."